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  • MIchele A. Aeck BS MS PhD

What Are the Five Love Languages?

Updated: Apr 17, 2022

Fiery sunset over the ocean

"The 5 Love Languages" was originally written in 1992, it continues to help individuals today. Before writing the book, Dr. Chapman spent years taking notes with couples he was counseling when he recognized a pattern. He realized that the couples were misunderstanding one another and each other's needs. However, the love languages can be used in everyday relationships and friendships. They are still prevalent and are used today. Here are the five love languages that people may respond to:

Words of affirmation is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation. When this is someone's primary love language, they enjoy kind words and encouragement as well as uplifting quotes, love notes, and cute text messages.

Love and affection are expressed for someone with this love language through undivided attention. The person feels loved if you are present and focused on them. This means putting down the cell phone, turning off the tablet, making eye contact, and actively listening.

A person with physical touch as their primary love language feels loved through physical affection. Aside from sex, they feel loved when their partner holds their hand, touches their arm, or gives them a massage at the end of the day, for example. This person's idea of a perfect date might include cuddling on the couch with a glass of wine and a good movie.

For acts of service, a person feels loved and appreciated when someone does nice things for them, such as:

  • Helping with the dishes

  • Running errands

  • Vacuuming

  • Putting gas in the car

They love when people do little things for them and often can be found doing these acts of service for others.

Gift-giving is symbolic of love and affection for someone with this love language. They treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift-giver put into it.

In other words, when you take the time to pick out a gift specifically for them, it tells them you really know them. People with this love language can often remember every little gift they have received from their loved ones because it makes such an impact on them.

Once you know an individual’s love language, you can benefit in all relationships. Speaking your partner's, parents, or friends love language may take a little bit of effort and intention, especially if it is different from yours. Remember, healthy relationships aren't born, they're developed through attention and effort. The good news is that you can put them into practice daily creating happy and fulfilling relationships.


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